SAHM

I had no idea what SAHM stood for before we moved to Virginia. Turns out it is stay at home mom. So since that is now what I am, I found a group called the Prince William SAHM's and Peyton and I meet up with some of the other mom's and kids to play and find new things to do in the area.

The member's of the group can also host playdates at their homes and since I have been having a heck of a time getting Peyton to go do anything, I decided to bring the friends to him. We had a playdate last week, Spring Fling - Paint, Plant, and Play with Peyton in which 5 other mom's and their kids came over and we painted small terra cotta pots, planted seeds and played (not necessarily in that order). It was a big hit so I went ahead and planned a few more for May. We have another one scheduled for this Thursday with shaving cream, sand and spaghetti painting. It is supposed to be a nice day so we will be able to be nice and messy - outside!

We've meet up with the group at an indoor bounce house, a local park on St. Patrick's Day for a Leprechaun Treasure Hunt and there is an Easter Egg Hunt coming up. The women I have met are great and it is nice to have adult conversation and I love having people come over. Hopefully the other playdates will be fun, too; Cinco de Mayo shakers and a pinata, Dinosaur Dig, and Painting with Ice cubes.

Cherry Blossoms, Nana and Papa

Nana and Papa visited us this past weekend from New Hampshire and while we had a wonderful visit, unfortunately, there aren't too many pictures to document the visit. We headed in to DC on Friday April 1, but Peyton was just having a rough day and we didn't stay for too long and it was terribly cold. Papa, Nana, Matt and Maddy went back in to DC on Sunday so they could spend some more time looking around without an impatient little one.

On the Saturday of their visit, we were able to celebrate Papa's birthday with a homemade chocolate cake and dinner at Red Robin, Yum! We had a wonderful visit and we certainly could not do this if we were in Arizona. These memories are wonderful!

Here are a few pictures I was able to take while we were in DC. We hope to head back in on Sunday for the Kite Festival!

My Latest Project

I have been cooking so much at home and have tried numerous recipes. The Taste of Home magazines I have been using are getting a little greasy so I decided to take out the ones we liked best and put them into one binder. I also put in the various articles, clippings, and recipes I had been keeping from various Parenting magazines that I just might need some day.

When I get the magazines in the mail, it is like Christmas. Matt and I both look through them and mark all of the things we want to try. I use my weekly menu plan and fill it out using the great recipe ideas and create my shopping list. Then, I cut out the recipe and put it in our "Leonard Family Favorites".

Now if I can just get caught up on scrapbooks . . . .

A Must Read Article - 14 Ways to Save Money on Groceries on Shine

14 Ways to Save Money on Groceries on Shine

It's become a game for me to see how much money I can save on groceries. I always felt I did a good job, but now that I am really trying I realize I wasn't. By planning dinners two weeks out, cutting coupons, buying roughly 75% of our groceries at WalMart with 40% of them store brand and produce and meats at a local market, I have gone from well over $1200 per month to $900 per month. The sad thing is the $1200 per month didn't include the money we spent eating out. Now, we hardly ever eat out - maybe twice a month when it used to be at least once a week.

It pays to plan ahead . . . and it doesn't take that much time.

A Helpful and Cost Effective Article - 75 Surprising Expiration Dates

75 Surprising Expiration Dates - Yahoo! Shopping#buzzed=http://shopping.yahoo.com/articles/yshoppingarticles/505/75-surprising-expiration-dates/

SPRING

Our first 'real' spring in a long time, and a first for the kids. They are amazed at the flowers growing, the length of the day, the colors of the trees, the birds and animals, the weather, and everything else. It is fun to see it through their eyes.

Our big adventure will be to head in to DC to the Cherry Festival. I am very anxious to see the beauty of the cherry trees with the majesty of DC as the backdrop.

Our own yard has been overrun with daffodils and crocus. We have hundreds of flowers. We are now beginning to see hyacinth and bearded iris, too. Needless to say, allergies are affecting us like never before. Guess you have to take the good with the bad.

Question 3, Why Worry?

3. Why worry?
These two words, considered sincerely, can radically reconfigure the landscape of your mind. Worry rarely leads to positive action; it's just painful, useless fear about hypothetical events, which scuttles happiness rather than ensuring it. Some psychologists say that by focusing on gratitude, we can shut down the part of the brain that worries. It actually works!


I completely agree with this one! One of the major thoughts that got me through my two years as a school administrator was “If my Matt, Maddy, or Peyton are not in immediate danger, then the issue is not important and it can be handled.” Another one was “An emergency on your part does not constitute and emergency on my part.” Everything can be handled, one way or another and with a support system in place any decision that you make will not matter or change their support of you therefore why worry?

In addition, it is all about perspective. When a situation arises in which you feel worry or stress simply take a breath, analyze the situation, look at the big picture, and then react or solve the issue at hand. If you are able to have this outlook and attitude it is easier for those around you to adopt it as well. Your calming nature can be contagious.

Question 3

3. Why worry?

These two words, considered sincerely, can radically reconfigure the landscape of your mind. Worry rarely leads to positive action; it's just painful, useless fear about hypothetical events, which scuttles happiness rather than ensuring it. Some psychologists say that by focusing on gratitude, we can shut down the part of the brain that worries. It actually works!


I completely agree with this one! One of the major thoughts that got me through my two years as a school administrator was “If my Matt, Maddy, or Peyton are not in immediate danger, then the issue is not important and it can be handled.” Another one was “An emergency on your part does not constitute and emergency on my part.” Everything can be handled, one way or another and with a support system in place any decision that you make will not matter or change their support of you therefore why worry?

In addition, it is all about perspective. When a situation arises in which you feel worry or stress simply take a breath, analyze the situation, look at the big picture, and then react or solve the issue at hand. If you are able to have this outlook and attitude it is easier for those around you to adopt it as well. Your calming nature can be contagious.

Isolate and Ignore

It is amazing that no matter how educated you think you are, information can be presented to you in a slightly different way or context and it hits you like a ton of bricks or clicks in a way that it didn't before.

We recently took Peyton in for his 4 year well check. We left with a bunch of information (milestones, vaccines, etc.) and part of that was a little blurb about discipline. We have always felt pretty good about how we discipline our kids. We try to be firm and consistent, model the correct behavior and use positive behavior reinforcements. We aren't perfect, but who is? Anyway, the blurb said ignore and isolate rather than spank and shout. We know all of that, but to phrase it in such a simple way really made it click - again. With a 4 and a 6 year old who basically only have each other here in Virginia, they can get on each others nerves and we can all be short with each other. This phrase has been a great reminder.

Additionally, in my graduate classes I am currently taking a class in counseling and psychoanalysis and we just finished a week on cognitive and behavioral therapy. During the reading, I was again reminded that it is important to ignore bad behavior because by acknowledging it you are reinforcing it and the child will continue the bad behavior as well because you are reacting (even if negatively).

Again, all things that I know and have read about and learned, but a reminder sure does help.

Question 2

I had many personal revalations after answering the first question. Wow. It is pretty powerful to answer these questions, digest the answers, and then share them with a friend or loved one. I will keep going . . .


2. Is this what I want to be doing?
This very moment is, always, the only moment in which you can make changes. Knowing which changes are best for you comes, always, from assessing what you feel. Ask yourself many times every day if you like what you're doing. If the answer is no, start noticing what you'd prefer. Thus begins the revolution.

This is a tough one, or perhaps I am making it tougher than it is and I am only going to focus on a career. In the grand scheme of things, being a stay at home mom is not what I want to be doing. However, there were certain circumstances in our life that brought us to this point and because of those circumstances and other reasons, I am staying home. At the same time, I am working on getting my masters degree in organizational psychology so when the time is right, I no longer have to be a stay at home mom. In a way I have the best of both worlds.

20 Questions

I found this article on CNN.com and thought it would be perfect therapy (not to mention free) for me right now. I will answer one question at a time (won't say per day). Then when I am all done, I will go back and see what I can change or what I have learned. So here goes nothing . . .

By Martha Beck, Oprah.com --

If you're like most people, you became obsessed with questions around the age of two or three, and scientists now know that continuing to ask them can help keep your mind nimble however old you eventually become. So when someone suggested I put together a list of the 20 most important questions we should all be asking ourselves, I was thrilled. Initially.

Then I became confused about which questions to ask, because of course, as I soon realized, context is everything. In terms of saving your life, the key question is, "Did I remember to fasten my seat belt?" In terms of saving money, "How much do I need to retire before I'm 90?" is a strong contender. If daily usefulness is the point, "What'll I wear?" and "What should I eat first?" might lead the list. And for the philosophically minded, "To be or not to be?" really is the question.

Because I'm far too psychologically fragile to make sense of this subjective morass, I made the bold decision to pass the buck. The 20 questions that follow are based on "crowdsourcing," meaning I asked a whole mess of actual, free-range women what they thought every woman should ask herself. Thanks to all of you who sent in entries via social media.

The questions included here are composites of those that were suggested most often, though I've mushed them together and rephrased some for brevity. Asking them today could redirect your life.
Answering them every day will transform it.

1. What questions should I be asking myself?
At first I thought asking yourself what you should be asking yourself was redundant. It isn't. Without this question, you wouldn't ask any others, so it gets top billing. It creates an alert, thoughtful mind state, ideal for ferreting out the information you most need in every situation. Ask it frequently.

So on February 2, 2011, the questions that I am asking myself right now are;
1. What can I be doing to be a better wife and mother? It’s not a copout question, honest. I just have more time to think about it although the psychologist in me knows I should concentrate on the things that I do right.

2. How can I get a better hold on the little bit of an emotional roller coaster I go through? Most of it is physiological, but it just might be time to go see the doctor again because it is just not good.

3. Why am I so afraid of being happy and content? Honestly, I don’t know. This is probably the toughest question right now. I don’t know if I am afraid of what will happen if I let my guard down? What can I substitute for the angst? Why wouldn’t I want to?

Food

I obviously love food - love to eat it, go out to dinner, snack, etc. I've always had my regular menu of meals to make and would occasionally try new things or change it up. But now that I am staying at home, I have a lot more time to cook and it is great!

Nana and Papa came out to visit back in October and I wanted to try some new recipes out for them. My mom had been getting me a subscription to Taste of Home for years and I would look through them, but then either toss them or set them aside. This is where I got my ideas from for Nana and Papa's visit and it is what I have been cooking from ever since.

It's become a ritual: sit down with the magazines (usually the most recent one), my weekly meal planner, coupons and grocery list pad. Within in just a few minutes, the weeks dinner menu is planned. The meals have been so good. There have only been a few things that we did not like at all and a few that were good, but won't make again. Then there are many that we have already made more than once.

It hasn't just been dinners either. There have been some amazing deserts and snacks. All of the recipes are available online and I highly recommend them. They are relatively quick, easy, and inexpensive.

PMDD

3 years ago when I went to my OBGYN and told her about some of the things I was going through, emotionally and physcially she told me I was suffering from PMDD. It was good to have a name to it and be able to take medication to help keep it in check.

It is basically PMS on steroids. There were days when I felt like I had no control of my life, I would get very angry and agitated. It was just not like me. If things don't seem right for you, I encourage you to talk to your doctor or do some research. It has made all of the difference in my life.

I thought perhaps it was postpartum depression because it happened soon after Peyton was born. However, I didn't have the alienation symptoms associated with the baby. Quite the opposite, I couldn't get enough of my baby boy. I also knew it was more than a mild depression because there were other emotions involved.

I surely hope this is not an indication of menapause. I will be in big trouble, so will Matt!

Breathe

Today is one of those days that I have to stop and remind myself to breathe. Not just to slow down, but also before inserting my foot into my mouth, before stepping in when the kids are arguing about something and before the holidays have come and gone.

My Internal Dilema

I am still struggling with staying home and not working. It gets easier everday and I am truly enjoying it, but I just feel like I have this hole in my spirit that needs to be filled with the joys of helping others and to bask in the small accomplishments of a school setting everyday. By enrolling in a masters program, part of that is being filled, but it is not the same. I simply do not feel 100% at peace yet.

It is nice, and healthy, to not feel the stress that I used to. I don't miss the calls first thing in the morning because a teacher needed a sub, calls from the alarm company because the alarms were going off in the building, discipline and budget issues, and the like. But in a way, I guess I do.

One of the hardest things is not having friends here. There is no outlet for me, Matt or the kids. Maddy at least has her friends from school and Peyton has met a few kids at some of the activities we do together, but at the end of the day - it is just the four of us. Maybe that is ok? I guess I haven't decided yet.

The thing I fear the most is losing motivation and momentum. I miss being challenged, not only in meeting deadlines but also in standing up for the education that each child is entitled to. It has been nice to have a few friends seek me out and ask advice about issues their own kids are having at school.

I have been trying to use this time to rejuvinate my soul, to reconnect with things that I used to love doing. It sure is hard to make yourself slow down. I teased Matt the other night that the excitement in my life consisted of watching Dancing with the Stars, playing a silly game on my phone and reading the Sunday paper. I know a lot of people would like that for themselves, but I say just be careful what you wish for unless you are prepared for the internal conflict you will deal with every day.

It is very rewarding to be able to be with the kids so much, but at the same time, it is me with the kids so much. There is no friend to call to go out with or meet up with while Matt watches them. Instead, I feel this intense guilt that I need to be at home with them. I need to get over that fast! It is as if I don't know what to do by myself anymore.

I hope that this conflict will begin to diminish as the weeks go on. I have gone so strong since I can remember that I just don't know what to do or how to change my thought patterns and habits.

Even though I do have more free time on my hands, it is amazing that my to do list sure hasn't gotten smaller or the things that were on it in Arizona are still on it.

Always an adventure . . .

Helpless

One week ago, Peyton and I were at play gym. It was our 4th time going. He loves it and is a natural on some of the gymnastics equipment. It's a hard core gymnastics gym, like you see great gymnasts training in, not an overpriced "kids" gym.

He tripped on a gymnastics mat and hit his mouth on low parralel bar. Instant tears and blood. I quickly scooped him up and took him into the lobby. The poor kid was in so much pain and so scared by all of the blood. We went to the emergency room (where Matt met us) so we could figure out how much damage had been done.

He was uncooperative, to say the least. It took 3 adults to hold him down so the doctor could look at his mouth. His mouth was so swollen and eventually his nose and eye turned back and blue.

We went to a dentist on Friday which was just as hard. The dentist did not get to really look at his mouth and therefore no xray. Over the weekend, the break in one of his teeth got worse and actually split his tooth into pieces (still stuck in the root).

Bring in the pediatric dentist visit on Tuesday - I searched for one that would do nitrous oxide because I knew that would be the only way anything would get done.

I had to hold him down for the initial look and 2 xrays (because the first one did not come out). Then I had to lay him down in a contraption that velcroed his arms down, legs down and held his head still. Then I had to leave the room (which was fine with me yet hard to do at the same time). They called me in not 10 minutes later and two teeth were removed, Peyton was spitting blood out of his mouth and fighting still (he didn't want gauze to stop the bleeding). The dentist was sure to tell me "he's a smart little boy".

On the car ride home, he crashed and I finally cried. I was trying to be strong for him. I felt totally helpless throughout the whole process but I knew this needed to get done otherwise it would have been so much worse.

He is fine now, of course. He is so resiliant just like most kids. The tooth fairy came for a visit and he never wants to go to a dentist again.

Now to try and get him to go back two weeks so the dentist can see how it is healing . . .

Can't Live Without

When I first started our blog, I wrote about a few products that I really liked and couldn't live without. I thought I would do it again and tell you about a few things that I love and can't live without.

Gymboree
I have bought 90% of the kids clothes from Gymboree. The sizes are accurate, clothes are high quality and if you time it right - you don't have to pay full price for anything. I shop online and love it. It will be a sad day when they no longer fit in Gymboree clothes. Good thing they have Crazy 8 that goes to a girls size 14.

Maybelline
I have gone back and forth between Maybelline and Clinique. Sure I would love to wear Clinique all the time, but I don't wear enough makeup to justify it. These Maybelline eyeshadows are awesome. It takes all the guess work out of where do I put which shade? Love them - I have the green and brown/pink ones.

Oxi Clean
The Oxi Clean stain removal products are the best. They get out everything! I use the stick, spray (if it is a wider area) and the booster.

CLR Kitchen and Bathroom Cleaner
This stuff works wonders. It makes things look so clean and is easy to use. Read the label though for safety tips when using the product.

The Perfect Brownie Pan
The name says it all. It makes awesome brownies and cleans up easily. Make sure to have plenty of Pam on hand to coat every inch of it when you use it.

What do I want to be when I grow up?

It seems as if I have had this conversation many times in my life. It's that time again. Now that we are settled in to life in Virginia, I am trying to figure out what I want to do. This blog entry will be very theraputic for me, so read on at your own risk.

It was never a question as I grew up if I would work or be a stay at home mom. I persued a masters degree to make sure that I had made numerous contacts and had major career opportunities. But life can change things around and I rolled with the punches.

When it came time for us to have children, I wanted to keep working because I wanted to be a strong role model for my daughter that she could do anything she wanted and for my son so he could see equality in all aspects of life. Things were going just great when circumstances changed and we found ourselves moving to Virginia.

I left behind a job that I loved. I poured my heart into being the Site Administrator at Legacy. I helped bring the school from Failing to Performing Plus in a 2 year span. But a new opportunity was before us and so it was time to move on.

We have been here in Virginia for 2 1/2 months. The summer was long - being home with both kids and with no support system in place. I never questioned why we moved, but I wondered if I was being the best mom and giving my kids the best experiences.

Maddy is in school now and now I turn my attention to Peyton - trying to spend quality time with him similar to what Maddy and I did when she was his age. I am able to spend time making sure our home is comfortable and a place where new memories can be made, I am trying new recipes, gardening a bit, and have at least unpacked the box of scrapbooks (no scrapbooking yet though) and have piles of books strategically placed in the house in anticipation that I will actually read them.

Now thoughts turn to what am I contributing to society besides the obvious, raising 2 wonderful kids. What if I take a break and stay home? What will I do when the kids are independent and on their own? What "work" can I go back to? Will I be out of practice in education? Theatre? Non-profit? Or any other career experience I had? Who would hire me?

I think that I have come up with a plan right now - I have applied to a job within the Prince William County School District. If I get that job, then great. I would love to do it. It is perfect for me in so many ways. But if not, we have a small business that we would like to start. I will get that going (business plan, marketing, etc.) and begin taking classes towards my masters in organizational and industrial psychology (which will directly help the business we want to start).

It's just a shame that money is always sitting on your shoulder being a little devil.

Only time will tell... In the meantime, I search for balance. That is my mantra right now; BALANCE.

Respect

As Maddy is around more children and more experiences, I have noticed a change in her level of respect towards us. I know that this is a test for her and that she is testing boundaries, but from an educator who believes wholeheartedly in character education, I am struggling with this one.

It's nothing major (things like telling us "no", pushing Peyton's buttons), but I feel that if it is not nipped now, that it could escalate. So we shall see how this all develops as her school year goes on. I can tell she is struggling with it and she knows right vs wrong but it seems to be a right of passage at this point that I was not prepared for.

Here goes to teaching respect from a loving point of view instead of out of frustration (that will be the hard part).

She did it!

Maddy completed her first day of kindergarten. All day kindergarten at that. The not home in her daily communication folder simply said she had an ok day but had a hard time in PE. I didn't know she was going to have PE otherwise I may have been able to prep her a bit. Also, I am pretty sure it was in the afternoon so she was coming off or already off her meds. More information to share with the doctor next Wednesday.

She is in an autism classroom for grades K-2 and although I know this is the best place for her, part of me is defensive because I think she would have done well in a regular ed class with supports and with a teacher who really knew differentiated instruction. But then I hear about her stuggle with PE and then I rethink my whole position. It's very interesting to see/hear others reactions though when it comes up that she is in the special ed classroom. When we arrived on campus today, the staff member directing students and parents asked what grade and when we told her, she was caught off guard in way and said oh wait, they will come out to get you. It was as if we were diseased. I am totally reading in to it, I am sure, but I find myself being defensive when it comes up. As if to say "you have a problem with that? with my daughter being in special ed?" I have a lot to learn as she embarks on this educational career.

I am interested to see how our family dynamic changes over the next few weeks as we adjust to a school schedule and as Peyton and I find our groove. I have to begin to look for outlets and social experiences for him. He is prime and ready to go!