It is amazing that no matter how educated you think you are, information can be presented to you in a slightly different way or context and it hits you like a ton of bricks or clicks in a way that it didn't before.
We recently took Peyton in for his 4 year well check. We left with a bunch of information (milestones, vaccines, etc.) and part of that was a little blurb about discipline. We have always felt pretty good about how we discipline our kids. We try to be firm and consistent, model the correct behavior and use positive behavior reinforcements. We aren't perfect, but who is? Anyway, the blurb said ignore and isolate rather than spank and shout. We know all of that, but to phrase it in such a simple way really made it click - again. With a 4 and a 6 year old who basically only have each other here in Virginia, they can get on each others nerves and we can all be short with each other. This phrase has been a great reminder.
Additionally, in my graduate classes I am currently taking a class in counseling and psychoanalysis and we just finished a week on cognitive and behavioral therapy. During the reading, I was again reminded that it is important to ignore bad behavior because by acknowledging it you are reinforcing it and the child will continue the bad behavior as well because you are reacting (even if negatively).
Again, all things that I know and have read about and learned, but a reminder sure does help.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Question 2
I had many personal revalations after answering the first question. Wow. It is pretty powerful to answer these questions, digest the answers, and then share them with a friend or loved one. I will keep going . . .
2. Is this what I want to be doing?
This very moment is, always, the only moment in which you can make changes. Knowing which changes are best for you comes, always, from assessing what you feel. Ask yourself many times every day if you like what you're doing. If the answer is no, start noticing what you'd prefer. Thus begins the revolution.
This is a tough one, or perhaps I am making it tougher than it is and I am only going to focus on a career. In the grand scheme of things, being a stay at home mom is not what I want to be doing. However, there were certain circumstances in our life that brought us to this point and because of those circumstances and other reasons, I am staying home. At the same time, I am working on getting my masters degree in organizational psychology so when the time is right, I no longer have to be a stay at home mom. In a way I have the best of both worlds.
2. Is this what I want to be doing?
This very moment is, always, the only moment in which you can make changes. Knowing which changes are best for you comes, always, from assessing what you feel. Ask yourself many times every day if you like what you're doing. If the answer is no, start noticing what you'd prefer. Thus begins the revolution.
This is a tough one, or perhaps I am making it tougher than it is and I am only going to focus on a career. In the grand scheme of things, being a stay at home mom is not what I want to be doing. However, there were certain circumstances in our life that brought us to this point and because of those circumstances and other reasons, I am staying home. At the same time, I am working on getting my masters degree in organizational psychology so when the time is right, I no longer have to be a stay at home mom. In a way I have the best of both worlds.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
20 Questions
I found this article on CNN.com and thought it would be perfect therapy (not to mention free) for me right now. I will answer one question at a time (won't say per day). Then when I am all done, I will go back and see what I can change or what I have learned. So here goes nothing . . .
By Martha Beck, Oprah.com --
If you're like most people, you became obsessed with questions around the age of two or three, and scientists now know that continuing to ask them can help keep your mind nimble however old you eventually become. So when someone suggested I put together a list of the 20 most important questions we should all be asking ourselves, I was thrilled. Initially.
Then I became confused about which questions to ask, because of course, as I soon realized, context is everything. In terms of saving your life, the key question is, "Did I remember to fasten my seat belt?" In terms of saving money, "How much do I need to retire before I'm 90?" is a strong contender. If daily usefulness is the point, "What'll I wear?" and "What should I eat first?" might lead the list. And for the philosophically minded, "To be or not to be?" really is the question.
Because I'm far too psychologically fragile to make sense of this subjective morass, I made the bold decision to pass the buck. The 20 questions that follow are based on "crowdsourcing," meaning I asked a whole mess of actual, free-range women what they thought every woman should ask herself. Thanks to all of you who sent in entries via social media.
The questions included here are composites of those that were suggested most often, though I've mushed them together and rephrased some for brevity. Asking them today could redirect your life.
Answering them every day will transform it.
1. What questions should I be asking myself?
At first I thought asking yourself what you should be asking yourself was redundant. It isn't. Without this question, you wouldn't ask any others, so it gets top billing. It creates an alert, thoughtful mind state, ideal for ferreting out the information you most need in every situation. Ask it frequently.
So on February 2, 2011, the questions that I am asking myself right now are;
1. What can I be doing to be a better wife and mother? It’s not a copout question, honest. I just have more time to think about it although the psychologist in me knows I should concentrate on the things that I do right.
2. How can I get a better hold on the little bit of an emotional roller coaster I go through? Most of it is physiological, but it just might be time to go see the doctor again because it is just not good.
3. Why am I so afraid of being happy and content? Honestly, I don’t know. This is probably the toughest question right now. I don’t know if I am afraid of what will happen if I let my guard down? What can I substitute for the angst? Why wouldn’t I want to?
By Martha Beck, Oprah.com --
If you're like most people, you became obsessed with questions around the age of two or three, and scientists now know that continuing to ask them can help keep your mind nimble however old you eventually become. So when someone suggested I put together a list of the 20 most important questions we should all be asking ourselves, I was thrilled. Initially.
Then I became confused about which questions to ask, because of course, as I soon realized, context is everything. In terms of saving your life, the key question is, "Did I remember to fasten my seat belt?" In terms of saving money, "How much do I need to retire before I'm 90?" is a strong contender. If daily usefulness is the point, "What'll I wear?" and "What should I eat first?" might lead the list. And for the philosophically minded, "To be or not to be?" really is the question.
Because I'm far too psychologically fragile to make sense of this subjective morass, I made the bold decision to pass the buck. The 20 questions that follow are based on "crowdsourcing," meaning I asked a whole mess of actual, free-range women what they thought every woman should ask herself. Thanks to all of you who sent in entries via social media.
The questions included here are composites of those that were suggested most often, though I've mushed them together and rephrased some for brevity. Asking them today could redirect your life.
Answering them every day will transform it.
1. What questions should I be asking myself?
At first I thought asking yourself what you should be asking yourself was redundant. It isn't. Without this question, you wouldn't ask any others, so it gets top billing. It creates an alert, thoughtful mind state, ideal for ferreting out the information you most need in every situation. Ask it frequently.
So on February 2, 2011, the questions that I am asking myself right now are;
1. What can I be doing to be a better wife and mother? It’s not a copout question, honest. I just have more time to think about it although the psychologist in me knows I should concentrate on the things that I do right.
2. How can I get a better hold on the little bit of an emotional roller coaster I go through? Most of it is physiological, but it just might be time to go see the doctor again because it is just not good.
3. Why am I so afraid of being happy and content? Honestly, I don’t know. This is probably the toughest question right now. I don’t know if I am afraid of what will happen if I let my guard down? What can I substitute for the angst? Why wouldn’t I want to?
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