Ritalin Rebound

Some teachers are more successful in using proven learning strategies for students with ADHD.  Unfortunately, Maddy's teacher this year isn't one of them or if she is using them (which I haven't seen evidence of) then they aren't working for Maddy.  Maddy struggles in the afternoon to stay focused which makes complete sense because by then her medication has worn off.  Maddy is not a child who complains and she is not a discipline issue at all which is why I think her teacher isn't sure how to relate to her.  Her teacher isn't sure what to do with her and poor Maddy - all she wants to do is to please her teacher.  In order to make Maddy feel more in control and successful, we talked to her pediatrician about trying extended release ritalin.

It has been a week and we have had two major meltdowns as she has had a ritalin rebound (coming off the medication) and one night where she was filled with so much agitation that her blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals ended up on the floor and I thought for sure her mattress would, too.  It is heartbreaking to see your child go through this knowing this is not who they are and how they behave.  And then to argue with yourself if you are making the right decision with medication, medicating at all let alone the dose.  Then I curse this damn illness and everything about it and then tell myself we could have a child battling something much worse.  The conversation in my head always continues with what a remarkable child we have and it is our job to teach her coping skills and to help her identify that it is ADHD and the medicine so that she knows what to do.  I always think about our journey to this point and how she has touched our lives and so many others and I end my conversation with myself with tomorrow is a new day.

The most recent meltdown pushed me to my limits - I didn't know whether to laugh or cry and I didn't know whether to scold her for being disrespectful or hold her and tell her it was going to be ok.  It seemed like an eternity until she calmed down enough for her to even hear me.  I have been reading a book called Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child by Dr. John Gottman and I used some of his Emotion Coaching techniques.  After 20 minutes or so, she was good.  She had worked through it.  I left it alone until she went to bed and at that time just talked to her about it a little bit more. She was in a different frame of mind to look back at what had happened.  I also wanted her to know that the reaction she had was not her, it was the medicine.  She needed to know that, to recognize that.

The next day was a great day!

I think I might just have to admit that . . .

There is part of me (okay, a big part of me) that has to admit that I am enjoying being a SAHM (or stay at home mom for those of you, like me, who have no clue what that stood for).  My struggle is allowing myself to say it and really believe it.  I think part of it is the fear that I will lose my identity as a career woman who will be lost forever in 'mommy' world; stuck in parent pick up lines, at PTA meetings, volunteering, play dates, grocery shopping, cooking, sitting home wondering what happened to my own dreams.  But is there really anything wrong with that?  For some no, for some yes, and for me, well . . . for right now the answer is no.  It's all in the timing.

Today I say no because:
1. I am fortunate enough that we can afford for me to stay home
2. This is the best time in the kids lives for me to be staying home
3. I am able to continue my graduate studies while I am staying home so that I can be prepared for a career in the not to distant future
4. I have found joy in some new hobbies

Tomorrow I may say yes because:
1. Retail therapy is expensive.
2. This is the best time in the kids lives for me to NOT stay home.
3. I will be done with my degree.
4. I will have no more room to plant another damn thing or another page to scrapbook.


It really isn't as trivial as I may make it sound and I am sure that doesn't help the SAHM stereotype, but if you can't laugh at it then you are taking it way too serious.  I have enjoyed helping our family adjust to moving from Arizona to Virginia and taking time to create a home.  It is wonderful to be the one to see Maddy off to school in the morning and to be there when she gets off the bus in the afternoon.  And now, I get to take Peyton to preschool and be there (in the parent pick up line) to pick up that boy and his huge smile!  It makes my heart light.  My day is not filled with disciplining other peoples children, dealing with rude parents, surprise visits from the Department of Education, preparing for staff meetings, recess duty, and putting out fires.  There is something to be said for that.  At the same time, I miss those things - assessing situations, killing with kindness, diffusing anger, and being a leader.  It has been almost 2 years since I left my position as Site Administrator and I still find myself unable to sit still - always checking emails and messages to see if someone needs me.  And sadly, fewer people need me.  But my kids need me and that is what matters most and lucky them - I am here for them.

Now that Peyton is in school, even though it is only 4 days a week for 2 1/2 hours a day, I feel like I am beginning to reclaim some of myself back.  It is as if I am getting to know myself all over again.  I suppose if I find myself carrying on a conversation with myself then I will be in big trouble.  I will complete my degree in October and be able to go back to work.  That will be here before I know it, but in the mean time (and before summer break) I will enjoy my job as a SAHM and also enjoy reflecting on my life up until now.  There are still a few pages to scrapbook, a children's book to finish writing, a time management book to write, and a few other projects waiting in the wings . . .

9 Things You Shouldn't Say to Your Child

http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/07/12/dont.say.to.child.p/index.html

I found another great article to share.  There are things on this list that I haven't said and I don't think I would, there are things I want to say, and then there are things that I have said.  I always try to remember that you cannot take back words.  Once the words are out, that is it.  You can make the situation better at the time by saying I am sorry (which it is important for your children to hear you say) and giving a hug or kiss.  However, you will always remember that moment because it made you feel so bad and your children will remember it, too.  They may be a parent one day and promise never to say hurtful words to their children because 'my parents said it to me and it hurt'.  But in the heat of the moment, that is not an easy thing to remember.

As parents, we know that children listen to us.  They often repeat words they shouldn't because they overhear us.  Who is to say they aren't saying those same words to kids in school or using the language in play?  At the same time, we would go crazy if we monitored everything we said, all of the time.  There is no room for 'editor' on my mom to do list.  But, I do have room for role model and teacher.   If I say something I shouldn't, no matter the intensity, then I need to say I am sorry and admit to making a bad choice.  Then I can use it as a teaching moment (after I give myself a timeout).

There's a new kid in town

http://askdrsears.com/topics/child-rearing-and-development/8-ways-help-shy-child


Maddy has been in the limelight for a while now but Peyton has been emerging from her shadows.  Up until recently, I struggled with trying to figure out what 'wrong' with Peyton.  He was very shy around adults, clung to me, was quiet, wasn't ready for school, and a bit of a homebody.  I began to have an internal moral dilemma asking "where did I go wrong?" and "what am I doing wrong?".  Of course I turned to the internet to begin my search and I first began searching for information on shy children.  I found this article that allowed me to view the situation, and Peyton, in a new and healthier light:

http://askdrsears.com/topics/child-rearing-and-development/8-ways-help-shy-child

I recognized the 'inner peace' in Peyton and began thinking of him in terms of being a deep thinker and being cautious. We had moved three time in his 5 years, no wonder.  He wasn't wanting to invest in relationships because we just might move again.  I also realized that him being 'shy' is not a bad thing.  I like to think of it as reserved.  Maddy has done so much of the talking and activity in our lives for so long and Peyton doesn't seem to want to compete with that.

I began to heed some of the advice in the article and began to notice little changes in Peyton and less frustration in myself.  I finally enrolled him in preschool.  I always knew I did not want him to have 2 years of preschool (because he is a December birthday).  We hadn't enrolled him in any preschool because of moving, finding the right school, and fitting the tuition into our budget.  We visited St. Matthew's Lutheran Day School, which had openings in their afternoon program, and I immediately knew this was the best match for him.  He has been going there for three weeks now and he is a different child.  I don't allow myself to say "I wish we would have done this sooner" because I don't think it would have been the same.  The timing wasn't right, until now.  He knew the academics of preschool (I was a teacher), it was the social aspect and also learning to build a relationship with another adult so that he could see there are other adults in the world who want him to succeed and who can show him compassion.  He has begun to open his circle of trust.  The trick now is not to push him, but to keep him on a path for continued school and life success.

My children have taught me so much in their 7 and 5 years on this earth and I still have a lot to learn, about them and about myself.  What a gift they are!