What do I want to be when I grow up?

It seems as if I have had this conversation many times in my life. It's that time again. Now that we are settled in to life in Virginia, I am trying to figure out what I want to do. This blog entry will be very theraputic for me, so read on at your own risk.

It was never a question as I grew up if I would work or be a stay at home mom. I persued a masters degree to make sure that I had made numerous contacts and had major career opportunities. But life can change things around and I rolled with the punches.

When it came time for us to have children, I wanted to keep working because I wanted to be a strong role model for my daughter that she could do anything she wanted and for my son so he could see equality in all aspects of life. Things were going just great when circumstances changed and we found ourselves moving to Virginia.

I left behind a job that I loved. I poured my heart into being the Site Administrator at Legacy. I helped bring the school from Failing to Performing Plus in a 2 year span. But a new opportunity was before us and so it was time to move on.

We have been here in Virginia for 2 1/2 months. The summer was long - being home with both kids and with no support system in place. I never questioned why we moved, but I wondered if I was being the best mom and giving my kids the best experiences.

Maddy is in school now and now I turn my attention to Peyton - trying to spend quality time with him similar to what Maddy and I did when she was his age. I am able to spend time making sure our home is comfortable and a place where new memories can be made, I am trying new recipes, gardening a bit, and have at least unpacked the box of scrapbooks (no scrapbooking yet though) and have piles of books strategically placed in the house in anticipation that I will actually read them.

Now thoughts turn to what am I contributing to society besides the obvious, raising 2 wonderful kids. What if I take a break and stay home? What will I do when the kids are independent and on their own? What "work" can I go back to? Will I be out of practice in education? Theatre? Non-profit? Or any other career experience I had? Who would hire me?

I think that I have come up with a plan right now - I have applied to a job within the Prince William County School District. If I get that job, then great. I would love to do it. It is perfect for me in so many ways. But if not, we have a small business that we would like to start. I will get that going (business plan, marketing, etc.) and begin taking classes towards my masters in organizational and industrial psychology (which will directly help the business we want to start).

It's just a shame that money is always sitting on your shoulder being a little devil.

Only time will tell... In the meantime, I search for balance. That is my mantra right now; BALANCE.

Respect

As Maddy is around more children and more experiences, I have noticed a change in her level of respect towards us. I know that this is a test for her and that she is testing boundaries, but from an educator who believes wholeheartedly in character education, I am struggling with this one.

It's nothing major (things like telling us "no", pushing Peyton's buttons), but I feel that if it is not nipped now, that it could escalate. So we shall see how this all develops as her school year goes on. I can tell she is struggling with it and she knows right vs wrong but it seems to be a right of passage at this point that I was not prepared for.

Here goes to teaching respect from a loving point of view instead of out of frustration (that will be the hard part).

She did it!

Maddy completed her first day of kindergarten. All day kindergarten at that. The not home in her daily communication folder simply said she had an ok day but had a hard time in PE. I didn't know she was going to have PE otherwise I may have been able to prep her a bit. Also, I am pretty sure it was in the afternoon so she was coming off or already off her meds. More information to share with the doctor next Wednesday.

She is in an autism classroom for grades K-2 and although I know this is the best place for her, part of me is defensive because I think she would have done well in a regular ed class with supports and with a teacher who really knew differentiated instruction. But then I hear about her stuggle with PE and then I rethink my whole position. It's very interesting to see/hear others reactions though when it comes up that she is in the special ed classroom. When we arrived on campus today, the staff member directing students and parents asked what grade and when we told her, she was caught off guard in way and said oh wait, they will come out to get you. It was as if we were diseased. I am totally reading in to it, I am sure, but I find myself being defensive when it comes up. As if to say "you have a problem with that? with my daughter being in special ed?" I have a lot to learn as she embarks on this educational career.

I am interested to see how our family dynamic changes over the next few weeks as we adjust to a school schedule and as Peyton and I find our groove. I have to begin to look for outlets and social experiences for him. He is prime and ready to go!

"Devil In Disguise"

We watched a commercial on TV last night for the Nissan Altima. It was soundtracked with "Devil in Disguise" and it was a little boy tormenting everything and everyone around him. We had to rewind and watch it again because it was Peyton! See the commercial here; http://vimeo.com/14439868

We love our son so much. His sweet litttle voice and batting of his gorgeous eyelashes gets him out of a lot of trouble, but he can be a STINKER. Pushing his sisters buttons, taking a toy from her, little pokes and kicks, and lately when she says she has to go potty, he runs right in ahead of her.

I have to start looking for preschool or other social experiences. For all of our sakes!

PS He's the only "normal" one in the family.

Anticipation

No, not the Carly Simon song, it is the anticipation that comes when school begins. For us, it is kindergarten. I cannot even believe that our daughter will be starting kindergarten next Tuesday. She was in preschool for 2 years so I know she is ready academically, it's everything else that I have anxiety over; Will she make friends? Will she eat her lunch? Will she be left out? Will her teacher understand her quirkiness? Will she remember to use an "inside voice"? Will she be happy? I guess only time will tell, but this next week is going to be tough! I think more for me.

My biggest concern is relationships for her. With ADD, she tends to be too loud, in others' space, overbearing (only at times)and unfocused. Of course we will put her on meds (she has an appointment on September 15th to try something new), but will that be enough? My only wish is that she is accepted; by her teacher and peers.

Perhaps I should stop worrying so darn much and just enjoy this last week!

Thoughts?

With our daughter's diagnosis of ADD, we have chosen to try medication (along with other behavior modifications). First was Adderal. Boy we did not like that. She was an emotional wreck as she came off of the meds, which for her poor preschool teachers meant the last 20 minutes of school.

Then we tried Ritalin. It was working well. The teachers had great things to say about her progress at school and we noticed she seemed at peace almost. It was as if she could slow down enough to enjoy what she was doing and what was around her.

As the summer has progressed though, Ritalin is not cutting it. She is more agitated and emotional when coming off of it. And honestly, I don't notice a difference in any other areas.

What are others experiences with meds? I would love to have some feedback before we take her to a new pediatrician (since we moved across the country from the best Doctor in the world!).

I know some may not agree with medication and we did not put her on it hoping the ADD would "go away". Her life is very organized, routine - to a point, and she knows right from wrong and handles punishments (mostly natural consequences) as well as the next 5 year old. She just needs something else. Again, it is that moment that I can see she is engaged in the world around her because she has slowed down to enjoy it.

What's the Point?

I am starting this blog as a way to "deal" with having two wonderful children, 1 of whom is diagnosed ADD and PDD-NOS and the other who is ALL BOY. By "deal" I mean seeking out advice from others, venting, documenting and even celebrating the little things in our lives.

It's also a theraputic way to work through my own issues (undiagnosed OCD I am sure!)and to offer advice and suggestions from someone who has been on all sides of education (parent, teacher, administrator) and who has done a little bit of everything. I am living my liberal arts education to a "T". Albion would be proud.

So here's to my new adventure right now as a stay at home mom and author of this blog. Hope you enjoy.