What do I want to be when I grow up?

It seems as if I have had this conversation many times in my life. It's that time again. Now that we are settled in to life in Virginia, I am trying to figure out what I want to do. This blog entry will be very theraputic for me, so read on at your own risk.

It was never a question as I grew up if I would work or be a stay at home mom. I persued a masters degree to make sure that I had made numerous contacts and had major career opportunities. But life can change things around and I rolled with the punches.

When it came time for us to have children, I wanted to keep working because I wanted to be a strong role model for my daughter that she could do anything she wanted and for my son so he could see equality in all aspects of life. Things were going just great when circumstances changed and we found ourselves moving to Virginia.

I left behind a job that I loved. I poured my heart into being the Site Administrator at Legacy. I helped bring the school from Failing to Performing Plus in a 2 year span. But a new opportunity was before us and so it was time to move on.

We have been here in Virginia for 2 1/2 months. The summer was long - being home with both kids and with no support system in place. I never questioned why we moved, but I wondered if I was being the best mom and giving my kids the best experiences.

Maddy is in school now and now I turn my attention to Peyton - trying to spend quality time with him similar to what Maddy and I did when she was his age. I am able to spend time making sure our home is comfortable and a place where new memories can be made, I am trying new recipes, gardening a bit, and have at least unpacked the box of scrapbooks (no scrapbooking yet though) and have piles of books strategically placed in the house in anticipation that I will actually read them.

Now thoughts turn to what am I contributing to society besides the obvious, raising 2 wonderful kids. What if I take a break and stay home? What will I do when the kids are independent and on their own? What "work" can I go back to? Will I be out of practice in education? Theatre? Non-profit? Or any other career experience I had? Who would hire me?

I think that I have come up with a plan right now - I have applied to a job within the Prince William County School District. If I get that job, then great. I would love to do it. It is perfect for me in so many ways. But if not, we have a small business that we would like to start. I will get that going (business plan, marketing, etc.) and begin taking classes towards my masters in organizational and industrial psychology (which will directly help the business we want to start).

It's just a shame that money is always sitting on your shoulder being a little devil.

Only time will tell... In the meantime, I search for balance. That is my mantra right now; BALANCE.

Respect

As Maddy is around more children and more experiences, I have noticed a change in her level of respect towards us. I know that this is a test for her and that she is testing boundaries, but from an educator who believes wholeheartedly in character education, I am struggling with this one.

It's nothing major (things like telling us "no", pushing Peyton's buttons), but I feel that if it is not nipped now, that it could escalate. So we shall see how this all develops as her school year goes on. I can tell she is struggling with it and she knows right vs wrong but it seems to be a right of passage at this point that I was not prepared for.

Here goes to teaching respect from a loving point of view instead of out of frustration (that will be the hard part).

She did it!

Maddy completed her first day of kindergarten. All day kindergarten at that. The not home in her daily communication folder simply said she had an ok day but had a hard time in PE. I didn't know she was going to have PE otherwise I may have been able to prep her a bit. Also, I am pretty sure it was in the afternoon so she was coming off or already off her meds. More information to share with the doctor next Wednesday.

She is in an autism classroom for grades K-2 and although I know this is the best place for her, part of me is defensive because I think she would have done well in a regular ed class with supports and with a teacher who really knew differentiated instruction. But then I hear about her stuggle with PE and then I rethink my whole position. It's very interesting to see/hear others reactions though when it comes up that she is in the special ed classroom. When we arrived on campus today, the staff member directing students and parents asked what grade and when we told her, she was caught off guard in way and said oh wait, they will come out to get you. It was as if we were diseased. I am totally reading in to it, I am sure, but I find myself being defensive when it comes up. As if to say "you have a problem with that? with my daughter being in special ed?" I have a lot to learn as she embarks on this educational career.

I am interested to see how our family dynamic changes over the next few weeks as we adjust to a school schedule and as Peyton and I find our groove. I have to begin to look for outlets and social experiences for him. He is prime and ready to go!